Try this at 11:00pm on New Year’s Eve!
Once there was a song. It was maddeningly repetitive and endlessly parodied.
It endorsed “quantity over quality” in gift-giving. It advocated buying for our loved ones not a good book, or a nice pair of pajamas, or even a scented candle, but teeming masses of geese, each one actively laying eggs.
The song proposed, dubiously, that human people could be given as gifts—maids, pipers, drummers, even lords and ladies. The song’s human-trafficking aspect has received little attention to date.
The song pegged the length of Christmas at a mystifying 12 days. The religious holiday, so far as I know, lasts 24 hours, and the secular capitalist holiday lasts roughly two-thirds of the year. But I guess “The One Day of Christmas” wouldn’t make much of a song, and “The 247 Days of Christmas” might bring about the slow, irritating end of human civilization.
The song invited a lot of questions, but…
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